Musings on "the rich"

A poster at a forum I frequent is complaining about the "disgusting" disparity between her sister's wedding expenses and the amount of money the poster lives on. Another one complains about her "suddenly rich" sibling who landed a lucrative job. This theme of so-called rich vs so-called poor keeps cropping up on that forum, and it's getting pretty boring.

I've worked at jobs I love and jobs I hate. Some were pretty lucrative, and some weren't. I have a millionaire SIL and 3 of my 4 siblings are doing very well for themselves (seemingly, better than I am). In comparison to most of my neighbors, I make a lot of money and I am sure they resent what they probably think is an extravagant lifestyle.

This is what I have learned about income disparity:

1. Worrying about what someone else has in her bank account, or what she is making at her job, is detrimental to one's own mental and emotional health.
2. Being bitter or jealous about what someone else has in her bank account, or what she is making at her job, is detrimental to one's own mental and emotional health.
3. Just because someone seems to have more money in her bank account or seems to make more at her job doesn't mean she is better off. You don't have perfect knowledge of either, nor do you know anything about other financial affairs.
4. Just because someone has more money in her bank account or makes more money at her job doesn't mean she is better, or happier, or smarter, or wiser.
5. If you are steaming about the disparity in your salary versus someone else's, get over it. There's always someone richer, and always someone poorer. Somebody who makes less than you is eyeing you with the same anger. As a matter of fact, someone less smart than you is probably steaming over the disparity in IQ scores. Interested in giving up some brain cells? Didn't think so.
6. If you don't like someone passing judgment on how you live your life, don't pass judgment on someone else. Just because you would rather go on a camping vacation, that doesn't mean your choice is better or more moral than that of someone who would rather go to a fancy resort. It's just a different choice.

That doesn't mean we can't get annoyed at the thoughtless things people say who don't have to juggle bills each month. But we shouldn't get all bent out of shape that someone is doing well economically. Would we want them to begrudge our successes?

I see more and more a tendency to envy and tear down those who seem more successful instead of being genuinely glad that they are doing well at what is important to them. The result of this pattern is less sharing of good things that happen, because someone is bound to snark that we are boasting, or snarl at his or her own lack of success in that area.

Paul had it right in Philippians 4:12, NIV: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

Of course, it's a lot easier to be content when we are living in plenty, whether its monetary plenty or kid plenty or job satisfaction plenty or dream house plenty or smart plenty. The true test of our character comes when we look up the "plenty ladder," see who is above us, and are still content.

The final, definitive word:

Just came in about 10 minutes ago. No celiac disease. Everything was completely and utterly and marvelously normal. All the blood tests, all the biopsies were negative.

Let the celebration begin!

Dum de dum dum, dum de dum...

Yep, that is the Jeopardy song you are hearing...the pathology report is STILL not back and we have to wait yet another day.

In the meantime, I am updating my CV and doing taxes and really wishing I could take the weekend off but I can't.

I hate taxes

We, once again, are paying through the nose. Fed more than state, but still. I work my butt off, only to hand it over to the government.

I think I can kiss the idea of buying land and building a house goodbye. There's just no way, not with this tax burden and the amount of debt we carry. I think I am going to concentrate on paying down the debt as fast as possible, and be content with what I have.

Sigh.

One more day to wait

Eldest Daughter called the doc this morning and he said the pathology report wasn't done yet. We have to wait until tomorrow.

We've waited six years, what's one more day?

Waiting for the final results

Biopsy results should be in tomorrow. Man, this waiting is hard.

Up from the grave he arose
With a mighty triumph o'er His foes
He arose a Victor from the dark domain
And He lives forever with His saints to reign

He arose!
He arose!
Hallelujah! Christ arose!


For I know that my Redeemer liveth and that He shall stand at the latter day upon the earth. (Job 19:25)

Two more done!

I had two MS project defenses this morning. One was my student, one I was just on the committee. Both did a great job and my student got an A! I was very happy for her. She is working in Oregon and her new husband is in Arizona. That's got to be so hard; newlyweds shouldn't be separated like that. She is looking for a job closer to her husband, and I hope she gets it.

The past few days have been horrendously busy. We are hiring a new faculty member, we've had three defenses, it's just been crazy. I don't hardly have time to breathe!

Son is having a hard time with the last few weeks of school, which breaks my heart. Grad school is like that, all ups and downs. Heck, LIFE is like that. But I wish that things were easier for him because I want him to be happy and enjoy his grad school experience.

Car woes abound, too. Spouse's car hasn't been running for a while, even after we laid out nearly $600 in repairs a few months ago. So yesterday he had it towed to the dealership and they diagnosed the problem as a faulty fuel pump, to the tune of $800. My truck is at the body shop, where I will be laying out $1050 to fix the rear bumper and the paint chip. Sigh. I still owe $1500 on Youngest Daughter's music and science classes. Have not touched the tax return yet because I am afraid at what I'll find--the past two years we have paid both federal and state. Argh.

Tomorrow YD and I leave for the City Too Very Far Away to visit Eldest Daughter while she undergoes the final test for celiac disease. Friday, we will know for sure if she was misdiagnosed six years ago. Good Friday. Apropos, I think, because I am confident she does not have the disease.

Time for bed, tomorrow is a long trip!

ED comes home today!

She has been out West getting all sorts of swag at a trade show. I get to see her Thursday! Cannot wait. She got me some nice presents! I want to see her cute new haircut, in person, and give her big hugs.

My truck goes into the shop Monday to get the booboos fixed. They are giving me a rental, which I will use to speed ED-ward for next weekend. We are planning to bring all sorts of food goodies.

Got two e-mails today from a student wanting to "discuss grades." I told him that I will not change his grade from last quarter, but he is welcome to come pick up his final. A second student, who is in my current online class, also e-mailed asking for an appointment because he has "doubts." Since he asked earlier to "discuss his grade" in last quarter's class, I figured he is using the current class as a smokescreen to get into my office and beg for an A. So, I told him that if he had a question about the online class he should post it in the discussion forum, just in case other students have the same questions. Bwahahahaha. Have not heard back from either student yet.

Update: Got one reply back--of course, the student wants his grade raised so he can keep his funding. I've had it with this stuff. So I wrote back:

I am sorry you did not do as well as you hoped. However, there's nothing that can be done about courses that have finished. If I allowed you to re-do assignments then I would have to offer that opportunity to every student in the course. How would you like it if someone else got a chance to better his grade and you did not? If everyone could re-do assignments as they wished, why have grades at all? Why not give everyone an A and not bother with homework, projects, or exams? Grading opportunities are provided for you to practice concepts and show the professor how much and how well you have learned the course material. If your scholarship depends on getting certain grades, then you should spend your energy on learning the material thoroughly and doing an excellent job on your assignments--not on begging for special favors after the course is over.
Best wishes for the current quarter,
DrMom

Maybe the word will get around now, and I won't get this annoying grade grubbing anymore. Yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

More follies

Students, being human, are no worse and no better than any other human--they can do wonderful things and they can do really stupid things. Mr. Persistent from yesterday did a stupid thing (and God help me, another one wants to "drop by" today to "discuss" his grade).

Here's a stupid one on both student and professor. One of the grad students I had last year was failing her grad program. So, she begged and begged and pestered people to get moved into a flex program. She came to me for permission to do an independent study. Stupidly, I agreed--although I knew this student was a wily gamer of the system.

Student disappeared. Grade time finally arrived, without any contact from her. I talked to her adviser, and told Adviser that Student had not contacted me all quarter, not once, even though I require independent study students to come in biweekly. Adviser said she will enter an F grade for Student with my approval (for some reason I am not listed on the system as the instructor, Adviser is). I am more than fine with that.

Today, 10 days after grades have been in, I get an email from the student claiming she sent me a message that her paper was almost done, that the message "wasn't delivered for some reason, and she didn't know that I hadn't gotten it" and that she needs an extension. That my F is the only reason she is suspended. It's not. It's also not changing.

She arrives back in the US on the 24th. I fully expect to see her camped outside my office the next day. Fun, wow.

The nuclear option

Today for the first time ever I threatened to call campus safety on a student. He is a mild-mannered, soft-spoken Indian grad student who just would not take no for an answer (he wanted his C turned magically into a B so he would have a 3.0 GPA. Trouble is, the C was justified, and he has two other Cs so he still would not have a 3.0 anyway). I had to literally shut my door in his face, and then he sat in the outer office for 45 minutes waiting for me to come out When I didn't, he knocked on the door again and asked again for the grade change. By that time I had looked at his transcript and seen the other C grades, so I asked him if he was bothering the other professors too, or was he just targeting me? He said they had agreed to change his grade (liar) and I said that I'd told him enough times that I would not do that, and that he needed to leave. He asked again, and I told him not to force me to call security (the secretaries in the outer office already had their hands on the phone). He got a shocked look on his face and scuttled away.

An hour later I got an apology from him:
Respected Prof,
I apologize for my interruption during your office hours and extremely sorry if I had done anything wrong. I assure you that I will work hard and try to get good grades in this quarter.


My response:

I am not angry with you. But in the US we do not pursue something after we've been told "no" more than once. It's considered rude and annoying behavior. I understand your anxiety, but last quarter is over and done with. It's time to move on.

I am sure you can do better, and if you apply yourself to your studies with as much persistence as you showed today, you should do just fine this quarter. It's much better to spend your energy on positive things like achieving excellence in your studies than to have to beg for special favors afterwards. In order to be fair, professors have to hold all students to the same standards and offer all the same opportunities.

I know it's an important lesson for him to learn, but I feel like I kicked a dog. That was the nuclear option, calling security, and I should have done something different (like sneaking out the back door, or something) to avoid that outcome.

Sigh.

E-bay wars

A couple weeks ago I found out that someone had stolen my debit card number, and had charged $297 to the online store at The Body Shop plus another $12 at the online store of Bath and Body Works (must be a thief with a soap fetish). I immediately called the bank, canceled the card, and they refunded all my money within two days. Yay!

Apparently unconnected, but concurrently, I got an e-mail from E-bay asking me to complete my registration by verifying my G-mail address. Interestingly, it was addressed not to "DrMom" but to"Jeffrey." Uh, not me, guys! So I forwarded the e-mail to E-bay's spoof address, thinking it was a scam.

A couple days later, I got a response saying "No, Jeffrey, this is real! Please verify your address and complete your E-bay registration." Not knowing what else to do, I signed on to my real E-bay account and sent them an e-mail from there about the mixup.

Their response: Dear DrMom,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to your email address "***@gmail.com" associated with another user. I'd like to handle your request for information about eBay account &&&&&&&. However, it appears that your email wasn't sent from the email address associated with that account. Please resend your request, from the email address you have on file for that account. We'll be happy to answer your question once we receive your email. For security reasons, we can't share information about an account with anyone other than the account owner. Unless you write to us from the email associated with the account, we can't verify your identity.

My response (sent from both my E-bay account address and my g-mail address): I can't. That's not my account, but it *is* my e-mail address.

Their response: Dear Jeffrey, Your e-mail address has been recycled by your ISP. This causes problems for E-bay. Please log on to the account and change the e-mail address.

My response: I can't. That's not my account. The e-mail address alone is mine.

Their response: Dear Jeffrey, Sorry for the delay in our response. We understand you must be frustrated. Your e-mail address has been recycled by your ISP. This causes problems for E-bay. Please log on to the account and change the e-mail address.

My response: Can you read? Do you read? I can't log in to the account. You are sending me e-mail for someone else, who has either mistakenly or maliciously used my e-mail in his registration attempt. Please fix this.

Their response: Dear Jeffrey, Sorry for the delay in our response. We understand you must be frustrated. The email address you are attempting to register with, or use to change your email address, is one that has been recycled by your Internet Service Provider (ISP). This happens when a specific email address is given to an individual for a period of time and then is reassigned to someone else after a period of inactivity. Recycled email addresses can pose some problems on eBay. ... Please log on to your account and change your e-mail address.

My response: Excuse me. Can you read? This message is number SEVEN about this matter. I already had an ebay account, username $$$$$, tied to the e-mail account @@@@yahoo.com. I hardly ever use it, so there's no reason to get another. Actually, I just cancelled it because of this whole mess.

This address is a Gmail account, not an ISP account. I have had it for three years; it's not been "recycled" in any way. Jeffrey has opened an account with you and used my Gmail address. This may be entirely a mistake on his part, or it may be malicious. I do not know, because I do not know any Jeffrey. Clearly, since I am not him, I cannot sign in to his account to change any registration information he has entered. I am also not interested in opening or re-opening an E-bay account. I suggest you contact Jeffrey through some other means than MY e-mail account, if you have contact info, and find out what his real e-mail address is supposed to be. Otherwise, you should delete his registration because it's clearly got problems. At any rate, I am not impressed with either your customer service or your representatives' reading comprehension.

Their response: Dear DrMom,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to <***@gmail.com> that is assigned to another user. I would like to apologize for the delay in my response. I appreciate your patience, as I understand how frustrating it can be waiting for an answer to your questions.

The email address you are attempting to register with, or use to change your email address, is one that has been recycled by your Internet Service Provider (ISP). This happens when a specific email address is given to an individual for a period of time and then is reassigned to
someone else after a period of inactivity. Recycled email addresses can pose some problems on eBay...


TO BE CONTINUED

Sorta kinda break week

We are between quarters here in UniTown, although I would stop short of calling this a break. Classes start again on Monday, and students are already e-mailing me to ask what the textbook is, what this is, where's that, etc. etc. and so forth. We still have departmental meetings. I still have to evaluate credit-by-experience portfolios.

Break? What break?

The class at Alma Mater U just had their midterm, and their break starts the 10th. I get a bit of a respite from that teaching responsibility, which is nice because I have a heavy week at UniTown, what with more meetings and MS defenses and phone interviews with faculty candidates.

The other annoying thing is that my poor truck has all sorts of booboos. The lower part of the bumper came off thanks to the pile of snow I had to get through to park. A rock hit my windshield and chipped it. Youngest Daughter spilled hot cocoa on the seat and it smells like -- well, like sour milk. Spouse flung the passenger side door open and whanged it on the wrought iron railing at the house, chipping the paint. Last but not least, some moron hit my right back bumper, driving it forward, and now the tailgate is rubbing against the quarterpanel. Left a note? Of course not!

Argh.

The third annoying thing is that I miss Son terribly and want him to come home. I've not seen him since Christmas and that is too very long.

On the positive side,

• Youngest Daughter observed that no ELF/global warming/PETA zealots keyed my truck, so I'm ahead of the game.
• It's garbage night and I already got the garbage out.
  
• YD changed her music theory class to Wednesdays at 5 and her voice lesson to Wednesdays at 4 so that means we only have to go downtown twice a week instead of three times.
• My debit card number was stolen but the bank refunded my money within three days, without making me fill out a claim.
• I scored a nice rug for the office for only $29.
• One of my grad students wrote me a really nice letter for my tenure file. The best line: "Her examinations are challenging, somewhat painful, and a lesson in themselves."
  
• I get to go to Kosovo in July to teach a special class in maintenance management for a week. I am hoping to go to Israel right after, since I'd already be on that side of the world.
• In two weeks I get to see Eldest Daughter again!